How to Stop Someone Interrupting You

‘How do I stop people talking over me?’ people ask me. ‘It’s so rude!’ they say. The question is a little more complex than it might first seem. People interrupt because they think they can. How are you behaving that allows them to think they can get away with it?

Of course, there are serial interrupters who will interrupt just about anybody; and there are certainly techniques to contain their influence.

Let’s look at how you can reduce the possibility of being interrupted and also how to shut down interruptions politely and more assertively should you wish to.

To that end we’ll be looking at the following areas:

1. What your voice says about you

2. Turning up your voice

3. What your posture says about you

4. Why do people interrupt?

5. Stopping interruptions

6. How to practise stopping interruptions

7. Does the interrupter feel upset or insulted?

8. Be judicious about stopping interruptions

1. What your voice says about you

Some voices invite interruption because it’s easy to do so. They are voices that aren’t sufficiently loud enough. Vocal power follows the law of the jungle – the biggest voices get heard. It also works that the quietest voices often get interrupted. Not always: a leader with considerable positional power might be able to get away with talking quietly.

The question is this:

Is your voice loud enough to command the room and does it have the vocal energy to keep other voices at bay?

You might like to ask yourself these questions:

1. How loud would I say my voice is on a scale of 1-10?
2. Can the person farthest away from me hear my voice with ease?
3. Am I articulating all the vowels and consonants clearly?
4. Can I raise my voice to level 8 out of 10 without shouting?
5. Am I comfortable being visible and being really heard?

2. Turning up your voice

Increasing the power of your voice and improving your articulation will change how people perceive you. You’ll engender more respect. People will subconsciously associate the power of your voice with the power of your message and people will interrupt you less.

So how do you turn up your voice?

To distil a very complex process down to a simple one:

• Fix your attention to the farthest point in the room. This could be the window or a wall.
• Imagine your voice as an arc of sound going from your mouth up into the air and just as the arc descends reaching this farthest point.
• Sit in an energised posture as described below.

3. What your posture says about you

Your posture can reveal a lot about you positively or negatively. In fact, your posture and your voice are inextricably linked. It helps to have a posture that looks energised and present. A good posture will allow you to breathe in more easily which in turn allows the breath to fuel the voice.

What’s a good posture?

• Feet planted on the floor
• Knees hip-width apart
• Move away from leaning on the back of the chair so you aren’t using it for support.
• Imagine a cord gently pulling your head upwards towards the ceiling as your spine straightens.

Now you’re embodying a posture that means business and looks confident.

4. Doing what you can to mitigate interruptions

Are people interrupting you because they’re getting bored and frustrated? Perhaps you’re:

• Not getting to your point quickly enough?
• You’re rambling?
• You’re mumbling?
• You aren’t clearly signposting what you’re going to talk about?
• You aren’t speaking loud enough?
• You don’t look present and like you’re commanding the space

It could be that you’re doing all of the above but you have someone who feels quite at liberty to talk over you. This person may interrupt you and other people on a regular basis. You don’t have to put up with it.

5. Stopping interruptions

Have you noticed how difficult it can be to stop someone talking over you? You know that you should stop them but somehow the moment passes and now they’ve taken over and you sit there feeling disempowered and frustrated.

Stopping people interrupting like all communication is a physical process involving behaviours.

The process of stopping interruptions

As soon as the interrupter speaks the following happens more or less at the same time:

1. Take a little breath in to your lower abdomen
2. Push your feet gently into the floor
3. Extend an arm towards the interrupter, palm down. Your arm, hand and yourself are RELAXED. This shows you are not ruffled or about to create conflict.
4. Glance at them only for a moment
5. Then make eye contact with the other people around the table.
6. Say whatever feels appropriate. For example “I’d like to finish what I’m saying”, “If I can finish what I’m saying”. You decide what feels appropriate.
7. And KEEP SPEAKING. Don’t wait for permission from the interrupter or anyone else.

Your gesture towards the interrupter should be soft, relaxed and low. Your voice is smooth so you don’t come across as aggressive but only keen to keep the focus on what you’re saying. Some people, because it's challenging stop interruptions, go too far and come across as aggressive or irritated.

It’s also important NOT to look at the person interrupting which can be very counter-intuitive. The reasons for this are:

• It stops challenge building up between you both.
• The eye contact you make with the group dilutes any awkwardness either you or the interrupter might feel.
• It aligns you with the group.

Remember you can always invite the interrupter back in when you’ve finished with a palm up gesture. You might want to say something along the lines of ‘Sorry, I wanted to finish what I was saying?’, ‘Would you like to come in?’, ‘You were saying..?’.

If the incident involves a serial interrupter and you’re teaching them that you aren’t someone they can regularly interrupt, you may decide to say nothing afterwards. The choice, as always, is yours.

If someone always interrupts you and this has become an established pattern, it may take a while for them to play by the new rules of the game.

6. How to practise stopping interruptions

I know this is a lot to do at the same time and look calm and relaxed! Here are some tips to make it a bit easier:

• Have your phrase ready when someone interrupts. Choose something that feels natural to you.
• Practise your posture at meetings so you’ve got the hang of it in less stressful situations.
• Practice making eye contact with people at meetings while you're talking before you practise this technique. It’s part of forming a good positive dynamic in the meeting (see Performing Brilliantly at Meetings)
• Don’t hold your breath. Especially when the interrupter interrupts. Keep breathing.

7. Does the interrupter feel upset or insulted?

We don’t want to go around offending people even if some people are rude and interrupt the whole time!

I’ve worked with many groups and seen people employ this technique on many occasions. The consensus is that people who have interrupted don’t feel they’ve been treated rudely when this technique is employed skilfully and in a relaxed manner. That doesn’t mean it might not come as a bit of a shock to someone who has been interrupting with impunity!

Not only will you begin to feel heard and hold your space, you’ll also maintain your own personal integrity and that of the meeting. You may be helping to keep the meeting on agenda.

Remember you can always come back after you've said what you wanted and let the person speak but now you’re in charge, not them.

8. Be judicious when stopping interruptions

It’s always a judgement call when you stop an interruption. If a senior leader interrupts you of course, it would be a good idea to let her or him speak. Strategically consider which people you can stop interrupting you and those that you give way to.

Next Steps

This type of communication coaching and training always aims to empower you to have more choices rather than tell you what to do when. It’s neither artificial nor contrived, rather a tabulation of optimal ways of communicating that have emerged in successful human interaction.

If you would like any further information on this subject or would like to discuss any other aspect of communication coaching or training please get in touch me with here.